From a foster parent

An interesting article

An open letter to Foster Parents

I have thought long and hard about what I would say to the Foster Parents and Group Home staff who have been taking care of my children during this ordeal.  So I have decided to take what I have to say, and say it to all Foster Parents and Group Home staff every where.  First I know that there are many reasons for going into this field of work.  Being a foster parent is a serious task.  I should know because not to many years ago I was a foster parent for a relative who was in a bad situation.  It was not an easy task, and it was not always a task full of praise and thanks.  That is not why we did it.  We did it because a child we knew needed a safe place until she could be returned home.  We did it because it was the right thing to do.  There are some who enter into the Foster Parenting role for less then ideal reasons.  For the most part I am not talking to those parents.  If you are the type of foster parent who make up the statistic that says a child is 10 times more likely to be abused or neglected in care as they are out of care, well all I have to say is shame on you.  I hope they have a special section in Hell just for you.

To the parent who is not in the above category   for those parents in our case, I want to say at the outset of this letter one thing.  "Thank you!"  I cannot say it loud enough "THANK YOU!"  You have been there for my child when I could not be.   It is not that I have not wanted to be there for them.  I have.  I have begged the courts and the powers that be through whatever means at my disposal to allow me to see my children.  To allow my children to come home where they belong.  The truth is at this stage of the ordeal I may not be allowed to be there for them for a very long time.  I will never get to pick them up after they fall off there bicycle again.  May never get to bandage a skinned knee.  I may never get to wipe a tear from there eye as they cry over a broken heart.  I may never get to meet there date for the school dance, and maybe put a little bit of the fear of Dad into him.  I will never get to help them with there math homework, or attend a parent teacher conference.  I will never join a PTA, or serve to help my child's school.  You will.  You will get to do all of these things and so much more.  There probably getting too old for this but if they need it your the one who will have to chase away the monster from under the bed.  For all of this that you will do, and have done, in my stead I say, "Thank You."

I do have a word of caution for you however.  You see while you have been told all sorts of things about me and my wife, they may not all  be true.  To CD I am a monster who would hurt my child, and have hurt my child.  The fact of the matter is I am no monster.  I am an imperfect man, trying to do my best to raise my children right.  In that regard I am not much different then you are.  Have I made mistake, yeah sure I have.  I challenge any parent out there to say otherwise.  I have never intentionally harmed, or sexualized my children.  I know you have been told otherwise.  I cannot speak for all the bio-parents out there but I know I speak for many of them.  We have tried and tried to state our case but no one seems to want to listen.  The system labeled us and now everywhere we go we carry that label around with us.  Our children are sensitive and subject to misdirection at the hands of those who feel they are trying to help.  If you can, if you will, tell them that there mother and I love them very much.  We are fighting for the truth, and we are fighting for them.

I pray for you as often as I can.  You have a thankless job.  Your charged with raising another persons child.  While in some cases that is a necessary thing.  In others it is not.  Be kind to my child, love them, protect them, and listen to them.  I cannot do these things except from afar.  I will never stop loving them.  I will never stop fighting for them.  I see no reason to fight you or be your enemy.  We want the same thing, to raise a lovely young daughter into a beautiful self-confident woman.  So I close this letter with two words and a prayer for you.

THANK YOU! May God grant you wisdom, and the ability to show the way to him for the children in your care.

Two Crimes for the Price of One

I have been thinking what to post for my second real entry into the blog after its metamorphosis.  There is so much that I need to say and so much that I feel I must write.  I thought I would start here.  The blog will undoubtedly take on a life of its own as I explore topics that are wholly more relevant to our situation, but I cannot escape this fork in the road.  I will be taking the right fork, but that does not make the left fork any less significant or real, especially for those who find themselves on it.  And by left and right I mean no comparison to the political meanings poured into those two words, I could have easily said Fork A and Fork B.  There are two basic flaws in the current CPS system, and a meaningful discussion of reform must by necessity acknowledge both.  The problem is those of us involved in the system tend to focus on one flaw or the other, probably because it is the one we are dealing with, and we ignore, or even deny the other.  In many ways it is dificult for those of us involved to see the reality of the other and some have chosen to fight more with the other camp then with the real culprit CPS.  I have read enough books, blogs, and personal testimonies to believe that both crimes do occur, even within the same agency, and sometimes by the same agent.

The two Camps I shall Call Camp A and Camp B (probably better then the right left designation I used ealier).  Camp A is composed of those who cannot seem to get CPS to act when it would and should be appropriate for them to do so.  I must admit that from my point of view I find it difficult to believe that this happens, but it does.  I do not know if the rational is money, that does seem to play a factor in CPS's decision making.  I have read countless accounts of women who cannot get visitation stopped or limited with a spouse they believe is abusing there children.  In many of these cases there is ample, and convincing evidence that abuse may be occurring.  At the very least you would think that supervised visitation would be more appropriate then unsupervised.  For those of you stuck in this situation I feel for you.  I feel the pain of having your children out of your sight and control, and being unable to stop what as a parent you should be able to stop or control.

Camp B is the situation that we find ourselves in.  That is CPS pushing through to the Nth degree when there is no cause for such severe reactions.  Parents are restricted from seeing there children, TPR's are granted on the flimsiest of evidence.  Less restrictive interventions are completely overlooked or untried and the children are pushed in one door and out to the door that says adoption with no thought or regard to even attempting to keep the family together.  I fought for 2 years to even see my girls before the TPR and was denied on all but three occasions, and I believe those only happened because of a mistake by the Case manager.  Now into this camp are two distinct subgroups.  First are those who are guilty, but who through therapy and hard work can relearn appropriate parenting skills.  The second are the innocent.  They are guilty of nothing more then bad timing, poor judgement, or having an investigator with a warped, and overactive imagination.

As you can see CPS has many victims.  While it is bad for the parents who find themselves trapped in the nightmare it is even worse for the children.  I am convinced there is not a foster parent alive who could live up to the exacting standards CPS puts Bio parents through.  The Children are the ones who are being traumatized and damaged by mere exposure to the system.  My heart breaks not for my own pain, but for the pain of the child who is trapped in a system without a voice.  GAL's and CASA's regularly substitute there own agendas over that of the children they pretend to represent.  My children begged and cried to see me, and rejoiced when they did get to see me.  There GAL would not hear of it, because I was unrepentant, just because I would not admit to something that did not happen.  One statistic I have seen is that there are 17 cases of unnecessary removal for every 1 of legitimate abuse.

Both these crimes need to be investigated.  While I have no hard evidence, my gut tells me that if we look closely at these two crimes we will see money playing a big role in these decisions.  CPS is a broken and corrupt system.  What price are we paying for the ability to pat ourselves on the back and lay our head on the pillow believing that we are making a difference in the lives of children.  We are not.  We are destroying children and families at an alarming rate.

Legally Kidnapped: Darcy Van Orden - Child "Protective" Services

Legally Kidnapped: Darcy Van Orden - Child "Protective" Services

This is a great video I wish we had an advocate like this on Missouri. 

Metamorphisis

Many years ago, I decided to start a blog.  It was never overly successful.  It was a blog about life with depression and the struggles that brings to the Christian walk.  Well I have not been cured of depression, so that will still play a large role in what I write about.  My life and the priorities in my life have however undergone a unique transformation.  I figured it was time my blog under went that same transformation.  Maybe at some point I will think of a new name for the blog, but for now I will leave that the same.  I have however listed it under cpscrimes which I think is fitting considering the push CPS or Children's Division as it is called here in Missouri gave us down this road.

This is not a blog with many answers.  As such it is not unique.  One only has to do a quick search on CPS and corruption and one will find a myriad of websites, blogs, Facebook groups, twitter feeds etc. that tell one or more person's stories about CPS.  The problem isn't a local one, or even a national one, it is a global one.  Country after country, state after state, county after county, community after community are experiencing the horrors of which I speak.  Strangely enough the national and even local media turn a blind eye to what is happening.  We have an epidemic of child abuse in this country so no one wants to be seen as soft on protecting the children.  The problem is they ignore the abuse that is being perpetrated in the name of protection.  Politicians and the media need to hear about the crimes, and find some motivation to do something about it.

So if my voice isn't necessaril;y unique, and I have no answers to offer, why am I raising my voice?  Well I guess quite simply to be a "Who".  You see when crisis threatened Whoville it took all the whos shouting in unison to attract the attention of the powers that could prevent the crisis.  Maybe my voice is not unique, maybe it is just another shout in the crowd.  I have to believe, I have to have hope, that just maybe, by a slim margin, it might be the voice that tips the scale.  It might be the voice that finally gets the right persons attention.  Maybe its just one voice to get another person motivated to start shouting.

In future posts I will tell more of my story.  I will flesh out what has happened to us, and what we have been doing to fight  the system and win our girls back.  The bottom line in all of this is the girls.  They are out there lost and alone and clinging to whatever hope is being offered to them.  I have confidence in the God I serve that he will not abandon them to the wolves.  That he will keep and protect them through whatever storm may be raging in our lives.  There world may be filled with lies about who and what their parents are, but there hearts will always in some corner know the truth of the Love that we have for them.  My heart breaks not at the pain I myself feel, but at the pain that I know my children must feel at the cruel hands of those who seek to protect them from a monster that does not exist.

To my children I would say this.  I Love you and your mom loves you very much.  You were God's gift to us, and we will never stop fighting for you, and for the truth as long as we have breath and a means to express our voice. "Be strong and courageous [my little ones], be not afraid nor dismayed for the king of Assyria [or Childen's Division], nor for all the multitude that is with him: for there be more with us than with him:"