Never enough time to do the things I want to do. When there is time there is no motivation. Motivation is one of my biggest hangups. There is so much that I want to do, but just cannot find the motivation to do. It is getting better with the start of the new medicatons. It stillis not where I want it. Maybe my motivation will never be 100% but it could still stand some improving.
Then there is my scatter brain syndrome. When I do find some bit of motivation I start work but cannot keep on task long enough to complete one thing. Take this journal entry I think I have done 3 or 4 things other then write just because I thought of them.
Well that is all for today, my goal is to really try to write at least once a week. To say something, about anything but say it often (grin). Quite possibly those of you who read these words will say that most of my posts are a little something about nothing. Well that may be the case. I know I am doing well to post once a month, so that is why I am setting my goal higher then that.
On a late day in September 2010 my life changed forever. Now its time to pick up the pieces and see where the road leads from here.
17 September 2007
13 August 2007
Been a while
Wow, its been a while since I have written. What has happened in the time frame. So much it is hard to even put into words. Life has been very interesting to say the least. Maybe I will go through and touch on the highlights in future posts, but for now suffice it to say I am back. My situation in general has not changed. I have been off meds for about a year now. I see a doctor this afternoon so we shall see where that goes.
Life off meds has been extremely difficult. I struggle daily with simple motivation to do much of anything. Probably the main reason why I have neglected this blog for so long. Rather then fight through the pain and actually get something accomplished I have found that I more often just fall back into the easy do nothing attitude.
I am working on a new website, and I really need to focus on that. It is extremely difficult and my thoughts seem to jumble every time I try and focus. What should take me a matter o minutes ends up taking hours. Dealing with this beast of a computer has not helped either. The biggest problem I seem to be having is focusing. I am trying to do 4 or 5 things at once and not accomplishing much of anything.
Oh well before this entry becomes a hodge podge of disjointed ideas I will close this out for now. Hopefully I will work at this one day at a time and maybe with a little grace of God be able to get more of this fleshed out a little.
Life off meds has been extremely difficult. I struggle daily with simple motivation to do much of anything. Probably the main reason why I have neglected this blog for so long. Rather then fight through the pain and actually get something accomplished I have found that I more often just fall back into the easy do nothing attitude.
I am working on a new website, and I really need to focus on that. It is extremely difficult and my thoughts seem to jumble every time I try and focus. What should take me a matter o minutes ends up taking hours. Dealing with this beast of a computer has not helped either. The biggest problem I seem to be having is focusing. I am trying to do 4 or 5 things at once and not accomplishing much of anything.
Oh well before this entry becomes a hodge podge of disjointed ideas I will close this out for now. Hopefully I will work at this one day at a time and maybe with a little grace of God be able to get more of this fleshed out a little.
20 October 2006
Motivation
Just setting here wondering what to say. It has been a while since I have written and I should probably write something. I want to write something but I also feel this weight hanging over me. So much I want to do and so much that just doesn't seem to get done. I just don't seem to have motivation to do anything.
Motivation is the main thing that I see missing from my life right now. Oh I could blame it on the lack of medication and I am sure that has a lot to do with it. I just don't know where to turn these days. It seems like everytyhing just takes so much energy and I don't have the energy to do the things that I know need to be done.
Motivation is the main thing that I see missing from my life right now. Oh I could blame it on the lack of medication and I am sure that has a lot to do with it. I just don't know where to turn these days. It seems like everytyhing just takes so much energy and I don't have the energy to do the things that I know need to be done.
07 September 2006
Missouri's Stem Cell Initiative
http://centralassembly.podomatic.com/entry/2006-08-31T16_56_52-07_00
The following link will take you to a pod cast of a very informative panel descussion on the up coming Stem Cell Initiative that Missouri residents will be voting on in November.
The following link will take you to a pod cast of a very informative panel descussion on the up coming Stem Cell Initiative that Missouri residents will be voting on in November.
23 August 2006
Back in the Saddle
Ok, not sure how many are still around to read these ramblings but I am back. Hopefully for a little more regular installment plan. Anyway there is so very much that has happened in the past couple of months that it is hard to know where to start.
1) Our biggest news is that we are no longer in Wisconsin. I fear I have left my home for what looks like the final time. Maybe someday when I am rich and famous I will be able to retire there but for now I am with my family in Missouri. Don't get me wrong Missouri is a beautiful state but it is no Wisconsin. Wisconsin was my home and will always in my heart remain my home. The children are having understandably mixed reactions as we prepare them for the start of School in a few days.
2) I had the wonderful privledge of experiencing the services of Missouri's Division of Family Services. Someone did me the dubious honor of filing a false child molestation report against me and my son. The charges have been dropped but let me tell you whoever said a person was presumed inocent until proven guilty never had to face the police on these kinds of charges. It is over now (at least I hope it is) and life can resume some normalcy.
3) Medications. While I was doing fairly stable on my new medication regime I am now at the mercy of a different insurance. Over $100.00 a month for my medications and that is even leaving one off the list. Some have said I should be lucky that it is only $100.00 a month but that is still expensive and I am not sure how we can afford it. Not when You figure that we will have to add my wifes medication to that ammount to and that stands to be at least as expensive as mine. Right now I have been off my medications for several weeks and I can sure feel the difference.
4) My dear son is back in the hospital. They have taken him off his lithium and put him on a anti-depresent. He is on a stimulant in the morning for his ADHD, and an anti-depresent at night. This seems a little scary to me as he no longer has a mood stabalizer and he is on two medications to elivate his mood. Saw him in the hospital and he is noteably upset. He just appeared angry and had a chip on his shoulders. The hospital lost a pair of his pants and he is mad about that. I had to repeat several times for him to quit yelling at me as he was talking about the incident. We have an appointment with the family councilor on Thursday so hopefully we can get some answers.
Well those are the four major events in my life at the moment and I will try to keep you updated on a little more regular basis.
1) Our biggest news is that we are no longer in Wisconsin. I fear I have left my home for what looks like the final time. Maybe someday when I am rich and famous I will be able to retire there but for now I am with my family in Missouri. Don't get me wrong Missouri is a beautiful state but it is no Wisconsin. Wisconsin was my home and will always in my heart remain my home. The children are having understandably mixed reactions as we prepare them for the start of School in a few days.
2) I had the wonderful privledge of experiencing the services of Missouri's Division of Family Services. Someone did me the dubious honor of filing a false child molestation report against me and my son. The charges have been dropped but let me tell you whoever said a person was presumed inocent until proven guilty never had to face the police on these kinds of charges. It is over now (at least I hope it is) and life can resume some normalcy.
3) Medications. While I was doing fairly stable on my new medication regime I am now at the mercy of a different insurance. Over $100.00 a month for my medications and that is even leaving one off the list. Some have said I should be lucky that it is only $100.00 a month but that is still expensive and I am not sure how we can afford it. Not when You figure that we will have to add my wifes medication to that ammount to and that stands to be at least as expensive as mine. Right now I have been off my medications for several weeks and I can sure feel the difference.
4) My dear son is back in the hospital. They have taken him off his lithium and put him on a anti-depresent. He is on a stimulant in the morning for his ADHD, and an anti-depresent at night. This seems a little scary to me as he no longer has a mood stabalizer and he is on two medications to elivate his mood. Saw him in the hospital and he is noteably upset. He just appeared angry and had a chip on his shoulders. The hospital lost a pair of his pants and he is mad about that. I had to repeat several times for him to quit yelling at me as he was talking about the incident. We have an appointment with the family councilor on Thursday so hopefully we can get some answers.
Well those are the four major events in my life at the moment and I will try to keep you updated on a little more regular basis.
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