Bullies are a tough subject and one that is getting tougher. I faced them as a child and now my son is facing them. They come in all shapes and sizes and can be male or female. The one thing that most bullies have in common is denial by there parents. DS is a rough around the edges kind of kid. Socially delayed from kids in his age group, he is often more comfortable (or so it seems) with kids who are younger. Couple with that that he occasionally is in desperate need of a shower and has some control issue when it comes to bowel and bladder. He is a kid that it is convenient, and fun (I guess thats how they would see it) to pick on. We live not far from a park where he likes to play. Adjacent to the park is the city pool. The whole place is a kids hang out from high schoolers to kindergarteners. DS is 12 years old this year and that is the age that the police in there infinite wisdom start issuing tickets for disorderly conduct and such.
That is the stage. The problem is we cannot keep a 12 year old cooped up in the house 24 hours a day, particularly in the summer. It is also very dangerous to allow him to go to the park by himself. We have learned from other parents in apartments closer to the park that he is the target of much taunting by other kids in the park. It seems they know just how far to push him before he will snap and either yell back at them, or push them or something. They then go running to there parents that Jonathan was threatening them and the police get called. that's another thing about bullies is they tend to run in packs. It makes them hard to challenge because they always seem to have the advantage number wise.
DS came home today with a story that two girls were taunting him today saying that the police were called on him yesterday. Of course he cannot remember yesterday much clearer then I can remember it. It took me over an hour very pain stakingly going through today's event for him to even be able to piece together what happened today. I gave up on yesterday. Whatever happened you can bet that if the police were in fact called (it takes them a day or two sometimes to actually investigate these things around here, so we may not know for a couple of days) there were at least a couple of witnesses that saw him do whatever it was he was supposed to do. Of course by then his memory of the events will have completely faded.
It would be in a day gone by that I would tell my son if someone is bullying you fight back. He actually did that with a kid a few days ago. His mom in a fit of insanity as she calls it told him "if he hits you hit him back." Unfortunately that could lead to a battery charge and even though we could provide an abundance of witnesses as to the general character of my son, and how he gets pushed around it would probably mean a court fight. DS is scared to go to the park. He wants to go and have fun. He tells me about how he tries to walk away. Deep inside I feel his pain more then I can ever express to him.
It feels like the whole world is against you. Like you have no friends, and no one cares. That is why I strive so hard to keep him in scouting. I keep hoping that he will connect with the boys and make some friendships that will help support him through this time. You see he enters Junior High this year. I just realized how much I owe to a friend of mine that I met in Junior High. that's one letter I am determined to write before my two days off are over this week.
Anyway friendships are so very important. You can get through the most horrific of circumstances with just a little help from a friend. Our temporary solution is for Grandma to buy him a pool pass. She can't afford it much more then we can but she is willing to do it. The theory is that if he is in the pool area he will have the life guards to watch over him and it will be more difficult for him to be made a target. I just hope my DD has enough understanding if Grandma cannot afford two passes.
This doesn't seem like a real solution. The physical and psychological abuse that my DS must face simply to go and sit on a slide in the park. The pain and the scaring that this is causing him. I know because many of those scar still hurt me very deeply when I think about them. There has to be an answer. My dad had the answer. When he was a kid he had this other kid who kept bullying him. One day he waited and caught the kid alone and off guard and beat his head into the black top. He was never bothered again. The bully was probably to embarrassed to admit who had done it to him. That would never work now days. I am reminded of the Kenny Rogers song "Coward of the County."
Well I have rambled on long enough. Time for a little experiment. I am taking my two youngest daughters to the park myself. Hopefully I can convince DS to go along and help me keep an eye on them. Maybe I can see some of this bullying first hand and be there to put a little fear of God in them. Ok, without getting me thrown in jail in the process too.
Any comments, questions or concerns please visit our bulletin board on our community sight. I would love to see what others of you out there have to say about the topic of bullies.
On a late day in September 2010 my life changed forever. Now its time to pick up the pieces and see where the road leads from here.
18 July 2004
Been a while
It's been a while since I have written. A lot has happened and a lot has not happened if you know what I mean. We are still in desperate financial situation. I feel like we take one step forward and two steps back when it comes to our finances. I just feel so powerless over my life right now. I was off my medications since about February and just last week my regular physician got me back on them. I know that I should not expect an over night change but I can already see some improvement in the symptoms.
I know there are those of you out there who are reading my ramblings because I get the occasional email from you. I invite you to join in and post in the community section (while I still have the finances to keep it open). I feel somewhat disappointed with the whole experiment of this BLOG as it has not become what I thought it could. Maybe that is my fault for not posting as often. Maybe it was just never meant to be.
What I hate worse about bipolar are the ups and downs. The ups, when I have that brief moment were it looks like I am going to make it. Where it looks like I might actually be accomplishing something. Then the bottom falls out and it seems like the whole thing comes crashing down around us. The despair of failing yet again. The loneliness of knowing that you have disappointed those around you.
Part of the problem is that I know all the right words. I am just not sure if I believe them anymore. Like the man crying out to Jesus, "Lord I believe help my unbelief." I know that scripture teaches that God will never leave us nor forsake us. What do I do when every fiber of my being is crying out that he has left me. I don't know what it is that I have done but I have some how reached a place that even God cannot find me any more. I live a cursed life, everything I touch is cursed. I pray that my wife and children will leave me. Not because I don't love them any more. I do love them. I love them more then life itself. They deserve better then to be shackled to me when the end comes. I want to scream this at the top of my lungs but I am a good Christian so I nod my head when someone tells me that God will come through for me. The words ring hollow and I repeat the words but they are just that words.
Friends gather around me and hold me, but they can do precious little about meeting the mounting crisis. Most either do not know how, or do not have the means. I view a lot of this through the eyes of our current financial crisis because it is the most immediately pressing on us at the moment. But the lessons here apply to the other areas of my life. I have no real solid connections with people in my community. I have no real connection to people in my church. I am involved in a couple of groups on the internet and while there is great love and empathy that can be shared online it can only extend so far. It cannot put an arm around your shoulder while you cry.
I am isolated and alone, even in a crowd of people. That is the worst feeling of all. I need to connect to something. That is why I have taken up my Brat Pack membership again. The creations will be hard for me at first, but I really did miss the friendship of the Ladies in the group. As nice as the group is I still need some male companionship. Even our scout troop has mostly female leadership. DS has his camp out next week and dad gets to go along for the ride. I try to be a steadying influence has he deals with the emotional upheavals of impending adolescence and the complications to that from his ADHD. Who knows he may even be Bipolar like good ol' dad. The doctors just are not willing to commit to that diagnosis.
Hopefully with being on the new medication I will write more. I want to write more topically and less crying about our finances or my lack of friendships. For now I will sign off, I have a topical entry that I will be submitting after I post this one.
I know there are those of you out there who are reading my ramblings because I get the occasional email from you. I invite you to join in and post in the community section (while I still have the finances to keep it open). I feel somewhat disappointed with the whole experiment of this BLOG as it has not become what I thought it could. Maybe that is my fault for not posting as often. Maybe it was just never meant to be.
What I hate worse about bipolar are the ups and downs. The ups, when I have that brief moment were it looks like I am going to make it. Where it looks like I might actually be accomplishing something. Then the bottom falls out and it seems like the whole thing comes crashing down around us. The despair of failing yet again. The loneliness of knowing that you have disappointed those around you.
Part of the problem is that I know all the right words. I am just not sure if I believe them anymore. Like the man crying out to Jesus, "Lord I believe help my unbelief." I know that scripture teaches that God will never leave us nor forsake us. What do I do when every fiber of my being is crying out that he has left me. I don't know what it is that I have done but I have some how reached a place that even God cannot find me any more. I live a cursed life, everything I touch is cursed. I pray that my wife and children will leave me. Not because I don't love them any more. I do love them. I love them more then life itself. They deserve better then to be shackled to me when the end comes. I want to scream this at the top of my lungs but I am a good Christian so I nod my head when someone tells me that God will come through for me. The words ring hollow and I repeat the words but they are just that words.
Friends gather around me and hold me, but they can do precious little about meeting the mounting crisis. Most either do not know how, or do not have the means. I view a lot of this through the eyes of our current financial crisis because it is the most immediately pressing on us at the moment. But the lessons here apply to the other areas of my life. I have no real solid connections with people in my community. I have no real connection to people in my church. I am involved in a couple of groups on the internet and while there is great love and empathy that can be shared online it can only extend so far. It cannot put an arm around your shoulder while you cry.
I am isolated and alone, even in a crowd of people. That is the worst feeling of all. I need to connect to something. That is why I have taken up my Brat Pack membership again. The creations will be hard for me at first, but I really did miss the friendship of the Ladies in the group. As nice as the group is I still need some male companionship. Even our scout troop has mostly female leadership. DS has his camp out next week and dad gets to go along for the ride. I try to be a steadying influence has he deals with the emotional upheavals of impending adolescence and the complications to that from his ADHD. Who knows he may even be Bipolar like good ol' dad. The doctors just are not willing to commit to that diagnosis.
Hopefully with being on the new medication I will write more. I want to write more topically and less crying about our finances or my lack of friendships. For now I will sign off, I have a topical entry that I will be submitting after I post this one.
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