Back to the Dark Ages

I hope and pray that things go well tomorrow. DW and I have to go down and try to get the electric company to keep the lights on. If it doesn't work then I am not sure what we will do. We need about $500 to guarantee that we can get them to work with us, of which we only have $100 and that is stretching our living budget for the next two weeks. We thought we were going to get a state tax refund, but that looks like it was gobbled up by someone else. Our only hope now is that it was taken by whom we think it was. If so it will still leave us with some cash to work with, but not before tomorrows deadline. We did manage to scrape enough together to pay off a chunk on the overdrafts (the ones that would have ended up going to court) and pay this months rent. Not sure what we were going to do on the back rent as we were counting on this tax check to take care of a large portion of that as well.

I know God is good, but I have to wonder where he is right now. This is not his fault it is our fault, but doesn't scripture say that even when we are not faithful he is. I could sure use some of his grace and mercy right now. I just want this nightmare to end. Every time it looks like we get a bit of good news (like the tax refund) we get slammed. Every silver lining has its cloud. I keep telling my family that this will all work out, that God will take care of us. I just wish I could see some evidence that is truly what will happen. My faith is wavering, like Peter drowning in the sea that he was so confident that he could walk on. I need Jesus to reach out and grab my hand, in a very real and practical sense.

If the lights do go off, then my notes here will be even less frequent. I will have to use public access computers to write my logs. Just downloading my emails will be a nightmare in a public access setting. Well anyway I have to be prepared for that eventuality that by tomorrow we will be living in the dark. Not a pretty thought but it will teach the kids what it was like before the electric light bulb.

God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ask or imagine. So the scriptures teach. I can imagine not being in this financial abyss. I don't want to be rich, I just want enough to be able to see my family fed, clothed, and have proper shelter over our heads. God if your listening, and your word says that you are, show myself and my family some mercy and make that way of escape. I am trying to believe, please help my unbelief. It is so very difficult to trust you right now, give me the strength to trust, and the will to follow through where you would lead.