You may ask why my counselor is my former counselor. Well did I mention I HATE INSURANCE COMPANIES. After my last hospitalization I was set up with a counselor. Nice guy, easy to talk to. I have not done talk therapy in a while. Anyway things were going well. I was worried that since I had just been fired I was loosing my insurance and would be transfering to Medical Assistance. My counselor assured me that it didn't matter, once I was his client, I would stay his client, we would work out the insurance thing when it happened. Well it happened, and guess what. The insurance refuses to certify the clinic. Now that I am working again and approaching 90 days I have NO idea what will happen to my insurance. It will probably all disapear. You see I cannot afford the insurance offered at work, and there is a real possibility that I will loose the insurance. Then what happens? No medication, no doctor, no counselor? Well anyway I am finding it very difficult to go back to a new counselor only to have the services torn out from under me yet again.
Any way those are tommorrows steps. I need to remember to deal with todays steps. What steps am I taking?
- Medication:
- Working with my Psychiatrist we are looking at trying different medications. I have been on Zoloft, Prozac, and Paxil. Zoloft worked but it is not working now. We are switching to Welbutrin SR. So far it has appeared to help.
- Journaling:
- This is an experiment and a tool. Your reading the journal. While not daily it is good to be able to put down on paper (electronic though it may be) my feelings, thoughts and activities.
- Bible reading:
- I started this a few weeks ago. You see I have tried several different ways to have daily reading time and they work for a while and then I fail. Internet to the rescue yet again. Enter E-dification.com. They have a service where they will break down the Old and/or New Testament into a daily bite. So you can get through it in a year. They mail the portion to you daily. SO far its been working, as I do tend to check my email daily. I am doing just the new testament. They also use a new translation which is really easy to read and understand.
- Work:
- I have been going every day, no calling in sick. Ok I did come home sick Thursday night after working half a shift.
- Exercise:
- This is work too. Ok I unload freight all night. Lifting 5 gallon buckets of paint and assorted other things is a real work out.
- Sleep:
- I am REALLY trying to get 8 hours sleep every night. I use my CPAP machine almost every time. I still have some work on this one because I will drift off on the couch and not be on my machine.
Are there other things I could be doing? Most definately yes. My wife probably has a list of them. These are the steps I am taking. Right now that is enough. I have also begun to program again. Creating this web page, and the churches web page have really helped me focus. To DW these are just distractions. She sees them as attempts on my part to isolate. I am just not ready for groups right now. Its hard enogh for me to deal with work for 9 hours. There are other things that I would like to do.
- Geocaching:
- This is a new sport, where you use a GPS devise to go out and find things that others have left in the woods. Its something you can do alone or in a group. Unfortunately it costs money. You have to buy the GPS. They start at $100.00 and go up from there. Thats not much money but when normal expenses puts your bank account $200+ dollars in the hole and you have a week left before payday. I try not to spend money, but occasionally I will. My wife controls the books and I always wonder if we will have lights and heat from day to day.
Even help costs money. I went to a site of a Christian Ministry to look for help. Every link that offered real help, seemed to cost something. there conferneces seemed like they would REALLY help but they cost money. Everything costs money. Well I am starting to bable and get off track.
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