Miracle Needed

Last night at work I was thinking. It was payday, and after the check was depositied we had a wopping $50.00 in the bank. It is very frustrating working as hard as I do and being so far behind. Right now I need a major financial miracle in my life. I am reminded of the verse that says God is able to do exceedingly abundently above all we can ask or imagine. My question is When will he?

Dear Lord,
I know that you exist and that you see the plight of your people. Forgive my unbelief. It is a product of my illness. Here is my need, I post it here so that my brothers and sisters out there can also pray.

• Reliable transportation: You see the state of our vehicles. The van has front brakes that squeel, back brakes that leak, a muffler that is falling off, a side door that wont open, a rack-n-pinion that leaks, battery problems, a transmission that is slipping and leaks. Each day I am fortunate that it still starts. Either send us someone that can make the repairs, and give us the ability to pay for them, or provide us with a new vehicle.
• Utilities: Help us get the things repaired around the house that need to be repaired. Faucets that drip, toilets that leak. The add immensly to our water and sewer bills. Help us find ways to keep energy costs down. Help us budget out enough money top pay the utilities so we don't continually face cut offs. This month our electric bill was $150.00 and our heat bill did not get paid due to overdrafts on our checking account. And now with the overdrafts this week, there still is no money.
• Rent: We owe about $2,000.00 in back rent. You know the exact figure. I do not know what Marci has been able to pay but Tom's patience cannot last forever. We can not afford an eviction, nor the expenses of moving.
• Student Loans: It seems almost ironic that I went to college to help make a better living. I have not been able to make enough to even make a dent in our student loans. Now due to my depression, I cannot handle the stress of a job that will pay better. I can barely handle the stress of the job that I have now.
• Medical: I am facing another change in insurance. I cannot afford the coverage provided by work. Not sure that we can stay on this coverage. If I loose medical insurance I will loose acceess to treatment of my depression. I do not even want to think of the consequences of that.
• Family: Help us all in the family understand each other and help each other more. DW is so frustrated with life right now. I know she did not mean to call AG and JG the names she used when she woke up from her nap yesterday. I cannot imagine how much that must have hurt them. I know I am not perfect, but I pray my children make it through there mother and my illness with a little understanding, and not too emotionally scarred.
• Computer: This is the least of my concerns. With starting to develope my web presence, and trying to set up the Churches as well as HCY's web site I am running into serious hardware and software limitations.
• Food/Shelter: Lord you know that the state is providing the vast majority of these needs. DW tells me that she has notified them of my new job. As yet they do not seem to have noticed, and have not adjusted our benefits. I do have to admit that that worries me a little, I would have thought there would have been some adjustment by now. Marci has her review with the case worker tommorow. I pray that all will go well, and that these expenses will not be thrust on us too suddenly.
• Unemployment: I still owe unemployment repayments from the last time I was off work. Still a few thousand dollars.
• Medical Bills: We need to find a way to start repaying these. I loose track of how many we have. Marci's surgery from when our insurance benefits ran out. All the kids bills from before we had MA.
• Work: Work is hard physically. The late nights are taking there toll. Last night I missed a step on the ladder and landed hard on my leg. It jarred my ankle, my knee, and my hip. I pray my body will continue to take the physical punishment of the job. I pray that I will find some way to speed up my work so that my boss will get off my back. I know that my speed is probably part of my disability, but I am afraid if I say anything it will be three jobs I have lost directly or indirectly due to the depression. Then there is the stress of home that weighs on me at work. DW is in such a fragile state right now. I worry about her home with the kids. What if JS gets out of hand, or she yells at the girls, or worse kicks them out of the house like she did yesterday. Sex: I know that DW and my problems emotionally are manifest in our physical life. I am trying to keep myself through all this. Not push her, not demand physical affection from her. I am struggling with reverting bacck to old habbits. I pray that through all of this you will keep me pure, and somehow allow DW and I to rebond again. To put our past behind us. To enjoy real physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy with each other.

Thats my prayer. Most of it anyway. I am getting very tired having been up working on our churches website most of the morning while my DW was at a doctors appointment. I need sleep and it is getting very late.