Venting

I think I just need a place to vent tonight. If your not into listening to someone vent, please just hit the delete key now. It seems that no matter what we do life is turning on us. I wonder sometimes if even God is left on our side. It started, last year January when the bottom of our world fell out. I lost my job (fired) and it took us a while to get things under control. That was my first hospitalize for depression in several years. Things were tough financially but we were hanging in there. Then I finally did find a job, and things went ok until September when I had my second hospitalization. So much was happening and now here I was out of work again. My wife was struggleing with her own illness (ADHD/Depression possible bipolar) and my son's (ADHD/depression possible bipolar) and our finances went in the crapper. We started to float checks and eventually it caught up with us. Once I got back to work we tried to catch up but could not keep ahead of the bounced check fees etc. We ended up having to switch banks because our old bank would not work with us at all. Despite letters from them offering to help, and us calling, and writing emails asking to take advantage of those offers, nothing was ever done. It was a viscous cycle.

In the hospital the medications prescribed worked but my Insurance decided out of the hospital it would not cover one of my prescriptions (Provigil). I am on Ritilin now and it is a poor substitute. I work third shift and the hours are just killing me. My medication schedule means that I have to keep the same basic schedule on my days off. My relationship with my family is really suffering.

The same time that I went back to work we faxed over a change of income form to the housing department. The claimed they never got it, but it somehow showed up in our chart, with the date stamp conveniently cut off. After a review it was determined that "we were at fault for not turning in a timely notice, but that we would not have to repay the difference in the rent amounts." Can you say CYA. Then come November and the beginning of all the chaos surrounding the holidays. During this time we had our annual housing inspection. The inspector not picked the house to death. Holes in screens, a minor crack in a water faucet handle, stains on the carpet, a broken ceiling tile in the bathroom, were all things that had passed without mention the year before. The landlord came over once to review the repairs and we never saw him again. Despite calls that were never returned. We ended up initiating the repairs ourselves. All that we could do. Our housing caseworker assured us that since the landlord was at fault in not making the repairs that we would not be liable for the difference in the rent. Then we get a letter that stated that since "we" did not let our landlord in to the unit to make repairs we were being terminated from the housing program. We sent in our appeal to the decision but that too was lost for a time until it was late.

In the mean time our landlord committed suicide. His father is taking over the property so that is a small ray of light in the whole mess. Our appeal of the denial of the appeal was turned down. We have had three denials and have not even had the courtesy of presenting our case. We got a notice today that we are being sent to a collection agency for not paying a school registration fee (which we were assured by the principle would be waived back in September). And my wife got stopped for a headlight out, only to find that her license had been suspended back in November. Something about failing to pay a fine. The only fine we can think of was paid, and we never got notice of the suspension. The only thing that we can figure is that it was one of the checks that bounced, but we thought we had taken care of all of them (or at least made arrangements for them).

Speaking of bounced checks we are again in a pickle due to a mathematical error and a fanatical bank policy. Right now half a dozen checks for about $400 are sitting with the local police department, and they need to be paid by the end of the month. We still have $200 dollars worth written to the place I work (yeah, I was written up for that), but they at least are being somewhat flexible. There are a handful of misc. checks out there that need to be taken care of and they are all demanding immediate payment. The checks already with the police will turn into $475 dollar tickets a piece if not paid by the end of the month.

My son (the one with ADHD is on a rampage and seriously acting up in school again. My daughter is given up on the 6th grade and has stopped applying herself to 95% of her classes. I have stopped wondering what more could go wrong because it always seems that something can. I am honestly at the end of my ropes, and have no idea where to turn. Our church has helped us so much in the past I hate to go to them yet again. Both of our parents are tapped financially. I too will soon be faced with past due utility bills that we have been lucky not to have turned off due to a winter moratorium. That will be ending soon.

Well I suppose I should end this email. I just needed a place to vent. Someone's shoulder to cry on for a while. Just not sure what I am doing wrong. Is this some sort of cosmic judgment. I am so trying to stay faithful, to not shake my fist at God and demand an answer. I have pleaded for one, but have not received one. I have no strength left to fight. I don't even think I want to keep fighting at times.